They said yes and welcomed her along. But two days before the trip, everything changed
One woman is explaining why she decided not to attend her family vacation.
In a post on Reddit’s Am I the A—— subreddit, she shared that she recently graduated and is currently in the middle of job interviews. Her family — including her mom, her oldest brother, his twin sister, her middle sister and herself — had planned a three-day trip out of town.
Before inviting her girlfriend to join, she made sure to double-check with her family. They said yes and welcomed her along, so she told her girlfriend, who was genuinely happy to be included. But two days before the trip, everything changed.
“They suddenly told me there wasn’t a ‘sleeping spot left’ and that my girlfriend couldn’t come anymore,” the Redditor wrote. “When I expressed my confusion, the real reason came out. They just wanted it to be ‘only family’ which honestly would’ve been fine if they had said that from the start. The problem isn’t that my girlfriend wouldn’t get to go, but the disrespect and dishonesty of uninviting her out of the blue and trying to cover it up as being a genuine mistake.”
“I told them I wouldn’t be going anymore because it felt wrong,” she added. “I checked beforehand out of respect and instead of owning up to their change of mind, they use a wee excuse that made me and my girlfriend look like an afterthought.”
Things only got worse from there. The woman explained how her family then started blaming her, saying this happened because she spent all her time with her girlfriend and never prioritized the family.
“I have never once said no to my family because of her,” she wrote. “I still live at home and am currently working for my family’s company while waiting for my interviews. My twin siblings also work here, but they clock in at eleven and leave early.”
On top of that, she said, she is always the one driving her mom to appointments, grocery runs and random outings. “So by default, everything falls on me because I’m the ‘easiest’ one,” she wrote.
“It’s been this way for years. I’ve bent over backwards for everyone, and the one time I said my boundaries I get called childish,” she added. “My mom said it was just an ‘honest mistake’ but that doesn’t undo how dismissive it felt. It’s not just about this trip. It’s about always being expected to absorb everyone’s mood and still say yes.”
To add to this, her brother and his wife are expecting a baby in December, which she said she’s genuinely happy about, but it feels like everyone is using that as an excuse for why she should always be the one available, because she is “not married” and has “fewer responsibilities.”
“My family says I’m being dramatic and choosing my girlfriend over them when in reality I just didn’t want to go on a trip where someone I loved was disrespected and I was guilt tripped for expecting basic respect,” she added.
Since posting, hundreds of people have taken to the comments to share their thoughts on the situation. One person shared how they believe her family is acting this way in hopes it will break them up. “Your relationship is a threat to their habit of using you as Mom’s permanent caregiver,” they wrote.
“It’s completely reasonable to not want to go on a holiday without your girlfriend regardless, but especially after the switcheroo they pulled on you,” another person chimed in.
“This was disrespectful on their part,” someone else added. “I would also say if siblings can bring their partners, I can bring mine. They just want you available 24/7 to do the dirty work and I just wouldn’t. Go on vacation with your gf and enjoy some actual time off. It sounds like you need some real relaxation.”
