In 1992, Teen Talk Barbie arrived. Each doll was programmed to say four of 270 possible phrases including “I love shopping” and “Wanna have a pizza party?” “Math class is tough” was removed after complaints from the American Association of University Women, I presume on the grounds that it denigrated the intelligence of females.
Apparently there is also a Wheelchair Barbie. I’m assuming here that access ramps are included. There might even be a Divorced Barbie who comes with half of Ken’s stuff.
Barbie’s waist is, of course, anatomically impossible so in 2016 Mattel introduced a new range of body shapes for Barbie: tall, petite or curvy. Curvy Barbie even made the cover of Time Magazine, something a lot of toys don’t manage.
And so to Ken, who first appeared in 1961? His many iterations have included barista, businessman, golfer, lifeguard and pizza chef. I’m guessing that, if you touch Businessman Ken’s mouth, his pre-recorded voice says: “Changes in resource allocation will be mission-critical going forward.”
Whether Ken and Barbie are an item is open to debate. It’s hard to keep track of the off-on relationship. For example, Mattel released a press statement in 2004 saying Barbie and Ken had decided to split up but that was followed in 2006 by a statement that they were hoping to rekindle their relationship. The couple officially reunited on Valentine’s Day 2011 but there could currently be struggles alongside Barbie’s onerous task of managing her diabetes.
According to some scholarly studies, Ken is also anatomically impossible. The main finding of the researchers (who probably need to get out more) was that his chest is about 27.5% too large for a human male. There has also been controversy about Ken’s seeming lack of genitalia though I can’t possibly probe that issue in a family newspaper.
As you can probably imagine, my active mind has started to think up other manifestations of Ken and Barbie, ideas which I am willing to sell to Mattel for vast amounts of cash. These may exist already but, if they do, please don’t write in.
My first thought was Investment Portfolio Ken with an optional bitcoin app, then I realised how sexist that was so the investment portfolio will now be going to Barbie.
And how about Shoe Fetish Barbie? That could become a great little earner if, say, 3000 pairs of shoes were made available. Each pair would be an extra individual purchase (Paywave fee applies). But, whoa! Again, that’s sexist too so the shoe fetish might need to go to Ken.
Or what about Anaphylactic Ken with a handsome EpiPen clipped to his belt. Diabetic Ken? But his affliction would be the far more common Type 2 so he would come just with a packet of Metformin tablets.
Maybe, further down the line and if the on-off relationship settles, Mattel could produce Barbie and Ken’s offspring. This, of course, would require some, shall we say, developments in Ken.
