Learning how to win and lose graciously is no easy feat.
Dr. Sue Varma, board-certified psychiatrist and author of “Practical Optimism,” joined TODAY on Feb. 19 to share some life lessons we can learn from watching world-class athletes compete at the 2026 Winter Olympics.
The one feature that all Olympic athletes have in common, Varma said, is conscientiousness.
“That, to me, is basically discipline and emotional stability when things get tough,” Varma said. “It’s showing up when life is inconvenient, and it’s about not waiting for motivation to act.”
She added that athletes also share the ability to “stay calm. They can manage their emotions. They don’t let their emotions manage them.”
Varma was taught to “keep your head down and keep working and be humble and not really celebrate your wins.” In the end, however, that upbringing did her a disservice.
“Success is not just about your raw abilities, it’s your confidence in those abilities,” she said. If all else is equal, it’s that confidence that predicts success. “Celebrating your wins says, ‘I can see the connection between my effort and my performance.'”
On the other hand, Varma considers failure to be “information” and not “identity.” She suggested using information we learn from a setback to reframe what we’re doing.
“Rejection can often be redirection,” she said.
Especially when it comes to raising children, Varma stressed the importance of “looking at resilience, not as a fixed trait, but something that comes with growth, with practice.”
Varma says one place parents can make a mistake is in the way they give praise.
Rather than praising our kids for being athletic or strong, we should focus on celebrating the amount of hours they dedicated to improving. “Praise the effort, because that is something that we always have control over,” she said.
Process and progress shape our character, not wins and losses.
