On this week’s Parenting segment, one letter writer asked how to stop their toddler from constantly asking for treats as a reward for good behaviour.
“I have a seriously schmoozy two-year-old, so everything takes time and lots of bribery,” the parent told Moncrieff.
“It has come to the point where my daughter just refuses to go in the car unless we bribe her with a treat.
“She insists on one of us giving her a piece of chocolate – I know it’s a bad habit.
“We started to make our lives easier, but now it’s a real pain and I feel like she’s acting out.
“What can I do to make sure we break the habit and her behaviour gets better?”
Family psychotherapist Joanna Fortune said that this toddler is simply copying a pattern that has been taught to her.
“To be fair to her, if I think this mundane thing, such as getting into the car, something I have to do anyway, but I think I can get a square of chocolate, I’m absolutely going to schmooze that chocolate out of it,” she said.
“So, from that point of view, it’s back to basics, boundaries and limit setting.
“At two-years-old, this is actually, believe it or not, a really good time to be reasserting or reaffirming.
“Developmentally, your two-year-old is at that phase where they are really deepening their own understanding of boundaries and limits.
“They’re never going to love it, never going to high-five you for them, but it’s at this age where they say, ‘No, here’s what I want instead’.
“We say, ‘No, that’s not going to happen’, hold your line, and they learn to accept it, not love it.”
Joanna said that there has been an association made between getting in the car and getting chocolate, but now a new association needs to replace it.
“If you’ve created the association with treats, you are going to have to uncreate it,” she said.
“So, you’re going to say something like, ‘No chocolate today, let’s listen to Moana songs in the car’ – so, create a new association,” she said.
“It’s clearly my own projection that I’ve said Moana, but what you’re trying to do is replace, ‘No, there’s no chocolate today’ – really casually – ‘but here’s what you can have’.
“So, instead of leaving her with the protest, you’re redirecting her very quickly to what she can have, and she gets to pick the song or whatever it is.”
According to Joanna, offering this two-year-old things to hold in the car such as a glasses case could also distract her.
She also recommended making a game of getting into the car by having the girl pretend to walk over to it like different animals.
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