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I recently read a death notice for a man I did not know, but whose obituary caught my eye because he’d lived in the same retirement home as my mother.
I was particularly surprised to learn that he had been a classical violinist.
But why should I have been surprised? Because he wasn’t in the lobby playing a heartbreaking Mendelssohn concerto whenever I popped by for a visit?
Or because I had fallen prey to the same ageism stereotypes that I rail against when I see them perpetuated against my mother?
Did it not occur to me that all the people who live in this particular home had vibrant pasts, interesting and challenging careers, enduring passions and skills, intrinsic value?
I did some soul-searching after that.
Ageism is rampant in our society, from prevalent attitudes and advertising messages to health-care and housing practices.
I have always admired the way Indigenous cultures honour the wisdom and experience that elders accumulate. We may do that with older adults in our own families, but society as a whole cannot be counted on to do the same.
I’ve seen older adults discounted in the workplace for supposedly being out of touch or unable to learn new technologies, or seen as no longer actually needing the work and the paycheque.
We sometimes seem to think that a person’s value ends when their job does, and that people 65 and older are somehow nearing the end of their shelf life. That they should just be content to collect their Old Age Security (a misnomer if there ever was one) and leave the fast-paced world to the rest of us.
(And while I’m on this rant, may I suggest to the government that it rename the OAS as the Canadian Retirement Supplement? Because that’s what it is. Given the cost of living in Canada, the OAS — while vital to most of its recipients — on its own is insufficient to provide financial security to anyone).
Ageism is endemic. A 2022 federal government discussion guide on the topic outlines the multitude of harms it causes in society. Older adults are regularly discriminated against when it comes to hiring and layoffs, social inclusion, buying or renting homes and accessing health care.
All the seniors’ discounts in the world can’t make up for the dismissive attitudes.
In the home where my mother lives — and I suspect in many more — older people, particularly those with some form of cognitive impairment, are regularly infantilized.
Now, I’m from Newfoundland, where people regularly address friends, relatives and outright strangers as “my love,” “my darling,” “my duckie,” “my sweetheart” — those are terms of warmth and general affection, so I don’t mean that.
What I mean is when adults are talked to like toddlers, often in a gushing “baby” voice.
“Oh, you’re giving out kisses today, are you? I’ll take one if you’re giving out kisses!”
Or when older adults are praised for their docility — as if that’s all we want from them as this point.
“She’s so good and so pleasant. She’s no trouble at all.”
All of us — and particularly people who work with adults needing care in various ways — need to realize that these are not children in big-people clothes, but adults who have led complex and independent lives, and who deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and to be consulted about things that matter to them.
The world is full of examples of vibrant people who live fully and work rigorously well into their 70s and 80s — even their 90s, such as my optometrist friend, Avrum. Yet society often renders them invisible.
The media generally — social media, news media, advertising — has a definite bias towards youth, and this has harmful effects on us all.
According to the discussion paper on ageism, researchers have identified three trends when it comes to media representation:
● older adults, particularly women, are underrepresented
● it spreads stereotypes about frailty and dependency
● older adults are praised when they look and act middle-aged or younger
These portrayals of older adults — or the lack thereof — can send damaging messages to younger people about strength vs. weakness, competency vs. mental frailty, worth vs. uselessness.
“Media may portray a growing older adult population as an unfair burden on younger generations and as a threat to the sustainability of health care and pension systems,” the discussion paper says.
These days, many of my personal heroes are over 65 — Margaret Atwood, Stephen Lewis, Joni Mitchell, Burton Cummings, Annie Lennox, Kate Bush, Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, Elton John, Helen Mirren, Judi Dench. But they’re still in the public eye.
It’s the adults flying under the radar we need to worry about, and we need to be calling out systemic discrimination and condescension when we see it.
Manitoba’s pending seniors’ advocate can’t get started soon enough.
Pam Frampton lives in St. John’s. Email [email protected] | X: @Pam_Frampton | Bluesky: @pamframpton.bsky.social
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