‘I have gotten our living expenses as low as I can, and I have dental and healthcare insurance for both of us’
“I got caught up on the mortgage and I am making all the household bills.” (Photo subject is a model.)
Dear Quentin,
My husband is seven years younger than I am. However, he has early-onset dementia, which has turned our lives upside down. I am in my mid-60s, at retirement age now, but I plan to work much longer. The property can make income too.
This is our second marriage. Luckily, I did not mix our finances. He was self-employed and had this 10-acre home for 30 years. We almost lost everything when he got sick. He was $20,000 behind in the mortgage. We have to refinance next year and pay his business debts off.
I increased my income. I got caught up on the mortgage and I am making all the household bills. I have gotten our living expenses as low as I can, and I have dental and healthcare insurance for both of us. I plan on working for many more years.
The cheapest route is to keep the property and refinance next year. There is a lot of equity. Do I ask for a 10-, 15- or 30-year mortgage when we refinance? We plan on keeping the property in the family with help from them.
We do have a will and are securing everything to protect us.
The Second Wife
Related: My boyfriend, 69, moved in. He refuses to pay more than $1,300 in rent and won’t do yard work. What should I do?
You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at [email protected].
You are doing what you need to do to get yourselves back in the black after your husband’s business started to lose money.
Rather than get caught with an endless loop of questions like “Why us?” you just got on with it. You increased your income, and you are doing what you need to do to get yourselves back in the black after your husband’s business started to lose money. You are using the one asset he has to pay off his debts, and you’re doing so with the cooperation and assistance of his family.
Whether or not you decide to go for a 10-, 15- or 30-year mortgage depends a) on the interest rate and b) on your husband and his estate’s ability to pay off this loan. There may come a time where you will need to sell this house to pay for care when his dementia progresses, but you can only ever do one thing, one day at a time. He is fortunate to have you at his side.
There are other long-term plans you can make. Your husband would do well to sign a power-of-attorney document while he is of sound mind and has the legal capacity to do so, if he has not done so already. The power of attorney should be “durable” and should specify that you will make decisions on his behalf when he is incapacitated.
He can also assign you to hold power of attorney for healthcare decisions. This will ensure that he has someone to act on his behalf in a medical context. If he does not wish to be on life support, for example, this advanced healthcare directive would say so. A living will and/or living trust can also provide additional instructions.
Related: My husband has dementia and will need care. Will Medicaid go after my money if I use it to pay off our mortgage?
Importantly, setting up a trust would help your husband’s executor – that is, you – to avoid probate. Making sure you have these documents in place before he enters mid- or late-stage dementia will prevent complications later on, like having to apply to be his guardian or conservator, which can be a lengthy and complicated process.
This is also the time to look into Social Security benefits for your husband. “Someone with early-onset Alzheimer’s who is younger than 65 can qualify for fast-track eligibility for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) benefits,” according to AARP. “After two years of receiving SSDI benefits, they can qualify for Medicare before age 65.”
Your husband could also purchase a private supplemental policy, Medigap, or look into a Medicare Advantage plan. “Medicare will cover hospice care, which provides as much comfort as possible to terminally ill patients in the last days or months of life,” AARP notes. “A doctor must certify that they have a life expectancy of six months or less.”
Most of all, what you have created for yourselves after this diagnosis is something that was taken from you at that time: certainty. You may not know exactly how much time it will take for your husband’s dementia to progress to the stage where he will need full-time care, but you have put in place enough financial safeguards to protect you both when you get there.
Related: ‘I am highly alarmed by the proposed changes to retirement accounts’: I don’t want bitcoin or private equity in my 401(k). What can I do?
Previous columns by Quentin Fottrell:
I’m 67. My wife, 48, is financially illiterate. How do I teach her to manage our money? After all, I won’t be around forever.
‘I’m confused!’ Why does President Trump want a rate cut so badly?
‘He is increasingly angry’: My troubled son lives with me. How do I ensure he is financially secure after I die?
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-Quentin Fottrell
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