“Remember when O.J. promised to find the real killer? That’s how this war’s going to end, too,” the ABC late night host jokes
Jimmy Kimmel spent most of his Tuesday night monologue torching President Trump’s State of the Union speech, calling it the “Forgettysburg Address,” and ridiculing Trump’s new assignment for Vice President JD Vance.
“Donald Trump stormed the Capitol to let us know that everything’s going great, we have no problems at all and, if we do, they’re Joe Biden’s fault,” Kimmel recapped at the top of his monologue, before asking, “I wonder how many years he’s going to squeeze out of that excuse, huh?” The “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” host told his viewers that Trump’s speech was designed to make Americans believe they are not struggling as much as they think they are.
“He said, ‘We are winning so much. We don’t know what to do with it,’ which is what happens to old people who only watch Fox News. They become confused about reality,” Kimmel joked. The comedian noted that Trump’s speech ran longer than any other State of the Union address in American history, which prompted him to remark, “The fact that he’s 79 years old and spoke uninterrupted for almost two hours, it’s the only proof I’ll ever need that he wears a diaper.”
“Heading into the speech, only 32% of Americans said they think Trump has the right priorities, so he dipped into his bag of tricks to find some new priorities,” Kimmel added. “Trump announced that he is putting JD Vance in charge of the ‘war on fraud,’ which is… Remember when O.J. promised to find the real killer? That’s how this war’s going to end, too.” You can watch the full “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” segment yourself in the video below.
“The elephant in the room last night was the Trump-Epstein files, which unsurprisingly went unmentioned,” Kimmel later informed his viewers. The late night host went on to reference the NPR report that was released ahead of Trump’s State of the Union address, which revealed that the Justice Department withheld 53 pages from the Epstein Files involving FBI interviews with a woman who reportedly accused Trump of sexually abusing her as a teenager.
“I know. I’m as shocked as you,” Kimmel said. “I thought he got rid of NPR.” The “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” host directly called out the U.S. attorney general, telling her, “Hey, Pam Bondi, cancel your blowout. We’ve got heinous crimes to investigate here!”
“Why are they being allowed to hide this stuff? They’re supposed to release the files. What a bunch of hypocrites, these people,” Kimmel continued, exasperated. He additionally noted, “We don’t know if the president took part in or even knew about any of the crimes his best friend, the world’s most notorious pedophile, committed. But I should also say the reason we don’t know is because the people who work for the president blacked out his name a bunch of times and made interviews disappear.”
“Seems to me the best thing for President Trump, who I’m sure did nothing wrong, is to order them to unredact his name and release all of the Trump-Epstein files so he can prove how unbelievably innocent he is,” Kimmel concluded. “FBI Director Kash Patel vowed that he will find those 53 missing pages… as long as they happen to be in the shower of the U.S. men’s gold medal-winning hockey team.”
