Gran Canaria, or as some call it, the ‘land of eternal spring’, has been on my list for quite some time.
Owing to its beaming all-year-round climate, famous beaches, mysterious caves and sensational food.
Around this time of year is the best time to visit this spectacular miniature continent in the Canary Islands. The geography will astound you and leave you craving more. Truly, you can wake up in Greece and go to bed in the Andes.
Just a couple of weeks ago, myself and my girlfriend were lucky enough to visit, and in just four days, we packed a hell of a lot in.
If you’re planning on visiting Gran Canaria, there is so much to do. If you end up bored, then that’s on you; idleness is the heaviest of all oppressions, an’ all that.
As we are both vehement opposers of Martin Lewis, a pair of money-wasting experts, it was suggested that we travel two hours down to Birmingham and fly from there in a bid to save on funds.
I’ll be honest, I was sceptical. Almost as sceptical as when King Umbutu emailed me asking for a £200 loan with the promise of a 5000% return. And funnily enough, I was proven right.
I have nothing against the city of Birmingham, or its people, but the airport, good god. It was far from a pleasurable experience and caused all manner of issues. Tripadvisor dot com was opened with a real purpose that afternoon.
Eventually, and I stress, eventually, we made it to Gran Canaria and the holiday finally began.
Arriving at Gloria Palace San Agustín Thalasso & Hotel, all negative notions from the travelling dissipated instantly.
A four-star hotel, but definitely at the higher end of the scale, let me tell you that.
As we stepped through the threshold, we were greeted by a fountain that exemplified serenity; the sound itself echoed through you like a spa of the mind. We looked at one another and grinned; holiday mode had been activated by a fountain no less.
The staff were exceptionally friendly throughout our entire stay, but I must warn you, their dialect can be a bit challenging to follow at times. Spanish scousers, but with no less humour or charm.
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After being given a short tour, roaming the various function rooms, restaurants, bars and swimming pools, we were taken to our room. Gloria truly is a palace, so depending on where you’re staying, expect a bit of walking to and from. If you’re with someone who needs extra support or can’t walk far, don’t worry, they accommodate to every need, just ask.
Our room was pretty high up and at the far end of the hotel, but we didn’t moan for long. It was a beautiful space inside, made all the better when you opened the balcony.
Looking out across San Agustín and Maspalomas, the view was pure unadulterated heaven and one we could’ve basked in for hours, but we were on the all-inclusive package, so needs must. It is worth noting that the elevators, not too dissimilar from the Harry Potter staircases, have a mind of their own, so be prepared to visit a few wrong floors.
They have an abundance of bars at Gloria, a pool bar (where they have entertainment every night), a snack bar, a chill-out bar, a lounge bar, and even a lobby bar, which I can only assume is there to make you extend your stay: “Sod the flight, let’s call in sick.”
After Strava’ing our trip to our favourite, the pool bar, we set about putting the hotel in a drought. Sex on the beach, mojitos, margaritas, you name it, we put the giddy in giddy aunt.
Over the course of our stay, we saw magicians, guitarists, karaoke, and even stuff for the kids. I remember one night distinctly where Mickey Mouse skipped a child whilst handing out hugs. I’ll blame the Cruzcampo, but I wanted to drown the face of Disney.
Truth be told, we would’ve been happy remaining in the hotel our entire stay, it caters for you in bucket loads, but we wanted more of a taste of Gran Canaria.
Gloria Palace San Agustín Thalasso & Hotel has two restaurants: their à la carte restaurant, Gorbea, and the main buffet restaurant.
“Sample the best recipes from Basque and international cuisine in our à la carte restaurant, Gorbea, with spectacular views over San Agustín and Maspalomas.”
Oh, that we did.
I don’t like a hotel buffet; I can be a snob like that. But I’ve never had a buffet like this before, ever. It was a Canarian smörgåsbord of varied selection and changed every day. Whatever you’re fancying, there’s a high chance it’ll be on offer.
Gorbea, though, my word. The view itself would make Zeus green with envy, but the food was another level.
It’s Gloria’s signature special, so naturally, you have to book ahead, as it is not part of the all-inclusive package. If it were, the queue would reach Lanzarote.
Firstly, the staff. They were absolutely tremendous. Polite, attentive, knowledgeable, and so warm and friendly, they elevated the already impressive Gorbea to new heights.
The food did not falter either. When we visited, I had been obsessively studying the online menu from when I woke to when we arrived. After much thought, I settled on the fois grais to start. Apologies to the duck, but you were delicious. Rich, buttery, and fatty, it was a melt-in-your-mouth sensation.
For my main, I went with the lamb shoulder. A lamb who presumably had been using the onsite gym, because my word was it hefty, and as equally flavoursome.
That night in Gorbea was a real treat, from the company, the view, to the drink and the food. I’d never felt so content and happy, like an uncooked prawn on a sinking Titanic.
We slept well.
We were fortunate enough to spend a day touring almost all of Gran Canaria with a local guide, which Gloria Palace San Agustín Thalasso & Hotel can arrange. I have to be honest, it’s a must. Drop the pool noodle for an afternoon and explore this stunning island.
Maria, our guide for the day, was the best we could have ever asked for. It’s a small-ish island, but still an island, and she seemed to know every person on it.
Our first stop was Mirador Yeguas, which offers stunning views of ‘proper’ Gran Canaria and its vast mountain ranges. Then we headed to Finca Canarias Aloe Vera Fataga, an Aloe Vera farm with over 20,000 plants and stunning views. I’ve never had any intention of learning about how Aloe Vera is made, but crikey, I was surprised at how invested I got. It’s a fascinating process from plant to bottle, which was shown to us by Martina, who was 174 years old.
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That farm itself has generated an island full of immortal scouse Spaniards, and I was all here for it. Get rid of a wrinkle or 10? Don’t mind if I do. Sadly, I applied the wrong cream to my face, much to Martina’s panic, and ended up looking like the Nazi from the end of Indiana Jones for the remainder of the afternoon.
But on we pressed!
A quick trip through San Bartolomé de Tirajana, which is a village you must visit if you want a bit of authenticity on the trip away from crowds, we eventually made our way to my favourite part. The caves of Gran Canaria.
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La Fortaleza Museum is where your journey begins, where you learn about all the archaeological history from centuries ago, but when you get into the caves themselves, that’s the showstopper. It’ll blow you away when you step into the space where people – tribes – used to live in the mountains. It was no Gloria, I must admit, but it wins on views.
Finally, we ended our afternoon by going for something to eat. And as it’s Gran Canaria, it was far from conventional. It was a restaurant in a cave. Yep.
In the ravine of Guayadeque, we made our way into one of the dimly lit restaurants that is housed under a mountain, and sampled all kinds of local delicacies. Basic, but beautiful. The bread was made in Maria’s village, for example, and provided the perfect marriage on the palate when dipped in the garlic prawns.
The day was incredible and truly not one to forget. I’m probably doing it an injustice if anything, so I implore you to see for yourself.
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That’s mainland Gran Canaria; the coast is something else entirely. They have dolphins, orcas, and all other types of aquatic wonders that frequent the waters.
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We went through Spirit of the Sea for this experience, and we were not disappointed. If you are disappointed, ergo you don’t see said dolphin, they offer refunds. No porpoise, no party.
It was a ride and a half, and yes, we got to see dolphins, an army of them in fact. If you get seasick, then be warned, the return journey can get a little rough.
So, did I find the land of eternal spring? Absolutely. All in all, Gran Canaria was an absolute joy to experience from start to finish.
In just four days, we managed to pack in so much and experience all the little joys that this beautiful Canary Island keeps relatively secret.
And at this time of year is when it truly hits its best.
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