I’m 40, and I’ll never stop making new friends. I have friends of all ages and with different interests, and I cherish them all. I’ve realized that authenticity is the key to forming genuine relationships.
At 40, I have a beautiful circle of friends who range in age from their early 30s to 97, and I don’t feel like I’ll ever be done making new connections.
Meeting new people and being exposed to different viewpoints and experiences is something I live for. Maybe it’s the journalist in me, but I’ve always been interested in other people’s stories. I enjoy nothing more than getting to know someone and seeing what I can learn from them.
I’ve gotten better at making friends over the years
Looking back, I wasn’t always like this. In high school, I was a bit of a loner. I had one close friend whom I tended to stick with. Later, in college, I made a small group of girlfriends whom I adored, but I was never rolling in it in terms of friendships.
Living and working overseas in my 20s helped build my confidence in meeting new people. I interacted with travelers from all over the globe and quickly learned how to find common ground with people from different walks of life.
But I think the real turning point was moving from Melbourne, Australia, to country Victoria three years ago. The town where we live has a population of less than 3,000 people, and I vowed not to be lonely after relocating to such a small community.
So, I made it my mission to put myself out there. Whenever I met someone I had something in common with, I’d initiate a catch-up. Even if I didn’t have much in common with them, if I thought they could be fun or interesting, I’d put the offer on the table.
“Hey, would you like to go for a coffee or a hike?” I’d ask. Internally, often those earlier fears of mine would emerge. What if they thought I was weird or too forthcoming? However, more often than not, I found their answer was resoundingly ‘yes.’
With time, I became more blatant about it. I remember meeting one of my husband’s clients and instantly feeling a connection with his wife. “I really like you,” I said. “Let’s be friends.” She laughed, and that was it. We’ve been buddies ever since.
Foto: Courtesy of Melissa Noble
I’m intentional about keeping my old connections strong as I form new ones
Most of my friendships are with other parents from the school or daycare community — having that common denominator of kids makes it easy to build rapport. But I also have friends outside that group. I have friends I hike or travel with, and I have single and child-free friends who are in a completely different phase of life.
As my friendship circle has grown, I try to remember to foster my old friendships, too. I have some special long-time friends who mean the world to me, and I regularly check in on them. Sometimes, we’ll talk for hours over the phone, and it feels like no time has passed between catch-ups.
One thing I’ve realized is that authenticity is key to forming genuine connections. If you don’t let down your walls, it’s harder to connect with others on a deeper level.
In that spirit, earlier this year I decided to do something a little out there. I hosted a ladies’ night at my place and called it ‘Dessert with a side of woo-woo.’ I wasn’t sure how it would go, and I know that some of the women who were invited were wondering what the hell was in store for them.
On the big night, I asked everyone to select a talking point card from a jar. The questions ranged from playful to really deep, and sometimes painful. There were tears and plenty of laughter. Later that night, we all made dream boards with our goals and aspirations for the year.
Afterward, many of the women told me how much the evening had meant to them. I think people are frequently sick of the small talk and are seeking deeper, more meaningful conversations that are raw and real.
I know that making friends isn’t easy for everyone — I used to feel that way, too. But if you are open to it, I challenge you to put yourself out there and ask the question. “How about a coffee?” You might be pleasantly surprised, just as I was.
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