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About 15 years ago, my cousin Pat Hart called me up and said, “You have to get your name on the waiting list at Thornton Oaks! The people are very well educated and very nice.” We took her advice, put down a deposit and got on the waiting list. As a result, we were able to get the apartment we wanted in March 2024.
I didn’t really know what it was like to live in a retirement home, although my mother seemed happy enough in her retirement home in Syracuse. Looking back, I can say that her place wasn’t nearly as nice as Thornton Oaks. My dad only lived in a retirement home in Wilmington, Delaware, for a few months before he died at age 97. During our only visit with him there, he talked about working on the Manhattan Project during World War II. I asked him to write up his memories of that time, and he did. During that same visit, I conducted an informal interview with him about his life. Unbeknown to him, I was getting material to write a piece about him for Bridge World magazine — he is in the Bridge Hall of Fame — and the piece came out just a few months before he died.
Shortly after moving to Thornton Oaks, we discovered that my cousin was right about the place and the people. What has really surprised me, though, is the communal spirit here, the feeling of family. People look out for each other. We’re all in this together.
At our age, people have been around the block — and the medical system. Things happen when you’re living at a place where the average age is around 86. At dinner one night with another couple, we learned that all four of us had had cancer and three of us had heart issues. But enough about the medical woes, the “organ recitals.” People here don’t dwell on them; they get fixed, hopefully, and then move on. As my dear departed college roommate used to say about his family: “We’re made of sterner stuff.”
Thornton Oaks offers scores of opportunities for people to get together and share common interests, everything from book groups and writers groups and storytelling sessions to bocce and bingo and bridge, cribbage and Scrabble — and on and on. But that’s probably not unusual.
Because Thornton Oaks is relatively small — by retirement home standards — you get to know most of the people. And you learn that people really do care how you’re doing. If someone gets hauled away in an ambulance or loses a child or a sibling, word quickly gets around and genuine concern gets expressed.
People walk each other’s dogs, especially at night, to help their less-mobile neighbors. The Men’s Group has created a driving list so that people who need a ride to a medical appointment — or anything else — can find people happy to take them. Moreover, a talent-sharing list names people willing to assist with things such as computer issues, tax preparation, small repairs and writing, etc.
The Thornton Oaks monthly newsletter (the “Oak Leaves”) includes an array of fascinating articles that convey the creativity, backgrounds and interests of some of the residents. I’ve written profiles of several of the extraordinary young people who work as servers in the dining room. We love them and they love us. They keep us young and we can pass along a little wisdom. We profile all new residents so people feel welcomed and known. The marketing director sends the Oak Leaves to all the people on the waiting list, a number approaching 600 (singles or couples) at last count.
Some enterprising residents started book swaps, where people get rid of books they’ve read and pick up books they haven’t read. And a new “favorite recipe” book proved to be most popular. And, yes, there’s a cookie swap. And poetry sharing.
Golden Nuggets presentations, held four times a year, feature residents with fascinating life or career stories to share.
People also share real stories about their real lives over dinner or coffee. Few people have led — or lead — trouble-free lives. Everyone stands ready to listen and sometimes listening is just what’s needed.
In fairness, Thornton Oaks is far from perfect, but it’s been a just right solution for Tina and me.
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