With fall quarter just around the corner, UC Santa Barbara is rewarding returning students with a big surprise: hidden fees! Students logging into their BARC accounts this summer were greeted with a new wave of “innovative charges” designed to “boost the livelihood and vibrancy of their campus,” according to the official release letter.
One university spokesperson defended the choice bluntly.
“We felt it would be a good opportunity to improve our campus. These fees will directly go towards cheering up our hardworking faculty with generous bonuses, spa retreats, and complimentary wine tastings, which we expect will trickle down and improve everyone’s livelihood as well.”
A CAPS faculty member even stated that these fees may even help some students grow and improve.
“Many students are worried about paying these thousand-dollar fees, but in our eyes, these fees will help our students build character. And don’t worry, there are several corporations out there providing backbreaking minimum-wage jobs to help pay them. Only a few hundred hours of labor per fee should be expected.”
Most students were not buying it, however. Many took social media to voice their complaints, feeling these fees are unfair and unnecessary.
“Because I live in San Raf, they said I need to pay for the luxury of being able to look at the ocean,” posted one incoming freshman on Instagram. “When I complained, the BARC Office told me I need to ‘adjust to the real world, oceans aren’t free anymore.'”
Another student reported on the UCSB sub-Reddit that they discovered a new fee for air.
“I guess even oxygen’s not free anymore,” the anonymous student said, showing a screenshot of her $250 breathing fee. “I guess I’m going to have to start pulling night shifts.”
Despite the backlash, the university has repeatedly defended these changes in press releases.
“We’re preparing students for the real world,” Chancellor Marshall announced. “College’s true education isn’t math or science or engineering, it’s teaching you to deal with the modern economy. We’re just giving you a taste of what you’re going to have to deal with as an adult.”
After some investigation, the Daily Nexus has discovered a total of 14 new total fees added, including the following: $250 Oxygen Fee, $1500 Ocean View Fee, $80 Walking Fee, $300 Water Fee, $600 Library Fee, $80 Arbor Fee, $1000 Poor Fee, $600 Death Fee, $350 Alive Fee, $120 Sleep Fee, $250 Bike Fee, $400 Toilet Fee, $3000 Top Faculty Vacation Bonus Fee, $69 “lmao we can do whatever we want get trolled” Fee.
In the end, it is hard to say if any fees are truly necessary for the betterment of the UC Santa Barbara campus as a whole.
